Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Miracle of Adoption

This symbol is the adoption triad. One side of the triangle represents the birth parents, the other side represents the adoptive family and the third side represents the adoptee. Of course the heart represents the love shared by all three. I love this symbol and how it shows just how adoptive and birth families are connected forever. This week I had a life experience that has made an impact on me. I would like to share my thoughts about it here.

Adoption sure is a crazy, fascinating, and miraculous thing. Pretty much everybody we know sees first hand how my family has been affected by adoption. Anybody who knows us also sees the miracle as to how well both of our boys have fit into our family seamlessly. Parents just "know" who their kids are. I have read so many blogs, books, and articles not to mention I know many adoptive parents and pretty much everybody says that when they first met their child or saw the first picture they just "knew" they belonged with them. Many people also have received referrals and known that these children were not "the ones" for whatever reason. I know that with Connor's adoption I knew he was my son the minute I laid my eyes on him. There was not a shred of doubt in my mind that he was "the one" we were searching for. Daryle told me he had felt the same way. Travis' story was a bit different. We carried around a 6 month photo of a chubby cheeked baby boy for 10 1/2 months so when we were presented with a malnourished 16 month old I was a little shocked the first moment I saw him. Yes, I went back to the hotel and wondered for a moment if this was really my son. We had gone through hell and back so my heart knew he was mine. I think my head was just trying to guard my heart at the time. However, by the second visit later that afternoon I overcame the shock of his appearance and I knew in my heart this little baby boy was meant to be our son. Like I said before, you just "know" and a sense of peace comes over you about these things.


However, there is also another side of adoption that I don't seem to relate to or discuss as much. That is the side of the birth family. It is interesting to me that at this stage in my life I have been affected by this side of adoption to a certain degree. 25 or so years ago my uncle and his now ex-wife had two children that they gave up for adoption during the course of their marriage. My parents were upfront with me about this when it happened as I was old enough to understand what was going on at the time. Over the years I have thought about the fact that I have two cousins out there in the big wide world. Sometimes I would wonder if I had actually met them somewhere and didn't even know it. Or would I if I did? I would say a prayer for them now and then and hoped that they were in loving families and that they had a good life. Well, imagine our families' shock and excitement when about a year ago the older son called my uncle to make contact. After a year of phone calls, emails and facebook with various family members he came out here this past week to meet his birth father and his extended family. To say he is an amazing young man is an understatement! It is obvious that he was raised in a very loving family. He once told my mom during a phone call that he had a good life. Answered prayers! As for his mother, she is an amazing woman. I can just look at her and relate to her on so many levels. (She also adopted two sons. Bryan is her younger son.) Even when she was telling the story about how they got the call about their son before he was born she had a look and smile on her face as if she was re-living the moment. It was as if it were yesterday. (I know I remember those days for myself as if they were yesterday too!) From hearing her story you can tell that for her, the way things happened, that Bryan was meant to be their son. I can completely relate to that feeling. Of course I am sure it wasn't a shock to anybody that of all people I was the one who got teary eyed and choked up the minute I looked at Bryan and then saw his proud mother sitting right next to him. It was a moment where I was not prepared for my reaction, that's for sure! It was so interesting to find out different characteristics and interests he has... such as he likes to cook and create recipes.... this is a thread that runs through just about all of the men on my dad's side of the family. Plus, he looks just like my uncle as well as my uncle's oldest son (whom he raised and we all know). I continue to be in awe at the power of adoption. Obviously Bryan was meant to be in the family he was raised in. It was evident by the fact that 9 members of his family came to meet all of us too that he is so incredibly loved by many, many people. It is so nice to have met him and to know that he turned out so well and most of all that he is happy. He is a very special person for sure.


Every day when I look at my boys I am amazed at how we have changed the course of life for them. If it weren't for the gift of adoption they would not be here with us now. Who knows where they would be. I don't even like to think about that. I do know that it takes an incredibly strong and unselfish person to give their child up for adoption. To know and acknowledge that this child will have a better life with another family must be the most heart wrenching decision a parent can make. I can't even imagine having to make such a life altering decision. As I watched my uncle get to know Bryan last night I was touched again by a different side of adoption. I was once again reminded how God works in mysterious ways and how our lives take us down so many different winding paths. I am glad Bryan's mom encouraged him to find out about his birth family. It's been an interesting week. Like I said, adoption is a miracle, it truly is a gift of life.

4 comments:

mad white woman said...

I'm glad you shared this Lisa. I had forgotten about the adoptions (if I even know?) until all this came about. I am really glad I was able to go and meet him and have been thinking about it A LOT since. The more I think about it, the more I realize it's a pretty neat thing to see come full circle.

Grammy said...

Oh, yes, the miracle of adoption ... and on so many levels. That was beautifully written, Lisa. It was an amazing evening for sure. I love that adoptoin symbol. I don't recall seeing it before.

Mary Ann said...

Lisa, you wrote a beautiful testament to love, strength, and courage. Thank you so much.

Kathryn said...

Great great post. I'm so sad I couldn't make it that night. And I'm so thankful for your boys.